For the Little Ones (TW: Infant Loss)

**TW: Infant Loss**


I’m currently working from an in-between stage of this blog. I don’t yet have my big project, but I was so excited I started writing about it immediately. I have another couple

 months before all of that information is in my hands. I talked to my Nana yesterday and told her I couldn’t wait to get started on this, that I was salivating. She said I shouldn’t do that, but that she was happy I was excited. Again…ya girl is extra. 


So in the interim, I’ve decided to explore thoughts, ideas, and feelings about everything I’m learning. There are of course people I’m going to relate more to than others - like my relatives who were domestically inclined and active with their kids vs. the American Vice Consulate to Arabia. Of course I’m going to relate to the stay-at-home mom more than the well-traveled (and my imagination *sings* that the man had a mustache…he HAD to, right??) well-connected 3x great uncle.


Among the themes and feelings I’ve felt I’ve needed to speak on, this might be one of the darkest and most tender.


I don’t talk about it often, but I am one of the one in three mothers who have miscarried. And I have many relatives, living and deceased, that have experienced infant loss. Small ones that never got to live a full life, who completed their work on Earth before it had begun. The chasm left in the wake of infant loss is unimaginable. My heart aches to think of the mothers who’ve had to let go when they didn’t want to. They’ve been forced to move on, to move forward, when part of them will never recover. The scars will always be there. Together we can help each other. That’s what true family is for, both the one you’ve made and the one that made you.


There are several still-deaths on our family tree. My maternal great-grandfather had a baby brother, who to this day, we all still refer to as “baby Gordon” as he never made it out of infancy. In 1958 my own paternal grandparents lost their daughter Leanna Sue, for whom my cousin’s daughter is named and continues her aunt’s legacy as a little light on the world. There are several of us in the family who have miscarried as well, and this post is to remember them as much as for the ones who made it to the ninth month before blessing us with their presence earthside.


I just wanted to take a second to acknowledge these little lives, the ones who will always be our family and in our hearts. You are just as much a part of us as the family who out-lived you. You existed and your memory is important. 


You are still family.

You existed.

You are grieved for and remembered.

You are loved.   



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